Where is God?

Part 3 of Meggies testimony.

“Though our feelings come and go, God’s love for us does not.” – C. S. Lewis.

I am now sixteen. At the beginning of this year, I had not felt Gods presence in months. I could not hear His voice when I read His word, everything was devoid of feeling.
I had been standing on a rug of good feelings; basing my faith on feeling.
God was pulling out that rug from underneath me, because He did not want my faith based on feelings, emotions, and happy thoughts.
I kept on, week after week at youth group, putting up my hands in worship, because I hoped that if I did, the old feelings would wash over me again. I prayed and prayed and prayed. God please, let me feel your presence. I felt so dry, and I was ready to give up on God so many times through that.
I started reading a book, ‘The Normal Christian Life’ by Watchman Nee, and ‘A Mary Spirit in a Martha World’ by Johanna Weaver. I started to realize that faith isn’t based on what you feel, but real faith is based on the promises of God. When I realized the whole truth of the fact that God is with me, even though I don’t feel Him, I felt happy. In my devotions when I felt like turning back on God, I would say to myself, ‘No, God is yet with me. He loves me. He is giving me the strength.’ Being thankful was my best weapon.

I wrote this during that time on my blog:

How do I know He is even real in such times?... This is the time, when I must hold my head high, remember what I have in Christ- and take His promises for myself. I cannot feel His strength within me, but I will declare that I have it. I do not see Him protecting me, but I will tell the world that He is- that He is even [now] with me.
I cant feel Him, I cant see Him- but I love Him!
Bring on the world, I’ll fight them with a hand behind my back. – Feelings versus Faith article on, Inkdrips.

When I stated those promises to myself and believed them in spite of what I felt, I was set free. I prayed, ‘God, I understand now, can I please have Your presence back?’. I prayed He would touch me at Church that next Sunday, He didn’t.
He didn’t show up.
 I almost hated Him for it. But I kept going. It was Gods final test, that He didn’t let me feel His presence, that really put it firmly in place, that I was basing my faith on feelings again.
I had said, ‘I understand’, but I didn’t. When I was disappointed, and then decided that even if I never felt His presence again, I would still follow Him, that’s when it happened.
That next Sunday He blew my mind away. I wasn’t expecting it, but everything that I had hoped for came true, but it did not matter. My faith isn’t based on emotions anymore. Its based on true fact. God is with me!
Praise God!

I kept slipping and falling, and I am going to keep getting trials, but every time I get back up and come out of a trial, I am so much stronger than before.

~ Meggie