1 Peter 3:3-4

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. - 1 Peter 3:3,4

Friday, May 4, 2012

Where is God?

Part 3 of Meggies testimony.

“Though our feelings come and go, God’s love for us does not.” – C. S. Lewis.

I am now sixteen. At the beginning of this year, I had not felt Gods presence in months. I could not hear His voice when I read His word, everything was devoid of feeling.
I had been standing on a rug of good feelings; basing my faith on feeling.
God was pulling out that rug from underneath me, because He did not want my faith based on feelings, emotions, and happy thoughts.
I kept on, week after week at youth group, putting up my hands in worship, because I hoped that if I did, the old feelings would wash over me again. I prayed and prayed and prayed. God please, let me feel your presence. I felt so dry, and I was ready to give up on God so many times through that.
I started reading a book, ‘The Normal Christian Life’ by Watchman Nee, and ‘A Mary Spirit in a Martha World’ by Johanna Weaver. I started to realize that faith isn’t based on what you feel, but real faith is based on the promises of God. When I realized the whole truth of the fact that God is with me, even though I don’t feel Him, I felt happy. In my devotions when I felt like turning back on God, I would say to myself, ‘No, God is yet with me. He loves me. He is giving me the strength.’ Being thankful was my best weapon.

I wrote this during that time on my blog:

How do I know He is even real in such times?... This is the time, when I must hold my head high, remember what I have in Christ- and take His promises for myself. I cannot feel His strength within me, but I will declare that I have it. I do not see Him protecting me, but I will tell the world that He is- that He is even [now] with me.
I cant feel Him, I cant see Him- but I love Him!
Bring on the world, I’ll fight them with a hand behind my back. – Feelings versus Faith article on, Inkdrips.

When I stated those promises to myself and believed them in spite of what I felt, I was set free. I prayed, ‘God, I understand now, can I please have Your presence back?’. I prayed He would touch me at Church that next Sunday, He didn’t.
He didn’t show up.
 I almost hated Him for it. But I kept going. It was Gods final test, that He didn’t let me feel His presence, that really put it firmly in place, that I was basing my faith on feelings again.
I had said, ‘I understand’, but I didn’t. When I was disappointed, and then decided that even if I never felt His presence again, I would still follow Him, that’s when it happened.
That next Sunday He blew my mind away. I wasn’t expecting it, but everything that I had hoped for came true, but it did not matter. My faith isn’t based on emotions anymore. Its based on true fact. God is with me!
Praise God!

I kept slipping and falling, and I am going to keep getting trials, but every time I get back up and come out of a trial, I am so much stronger than before.

~ Meggie

1 comment:

  1. This was very encouraging and inspiring to read, Meggie. Thank you so much for sharing! :)

    ~ Chy