Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Conquering Loneliness, part one of my testimony
I’ve known the name of ‘Jesus’ ever since I can remember. Everyone I knew personally knew Him as well. I asked Jesus into my heart a number of times when I was very young; but I did it more because I felt like a ‘should’.
I heard stories of healings, great courageous bible stories and miracles. I knew these people had a good thing worth fighting for, so I knew that I wanted to get it too, but that was the extent of my Christianity.
Fast-forward to when I was eleven and twelve. We moved house, not just down the street but hours away from our old church and our old friends. I didn’t get the chance of making friends at school, my parents had decided to home school my sisters and I when I was in Grade 2. I was shy, and scared of my own shadow.
Mum took us to gatherings with other homeschoolers; most of the girls were years younger, but there were two or three sometimes that were my age. And I sat, behind my Mum, to scared to introduce myself, too shy to even show my face. My Mum tried to force me, I laugh to myself now how many times she almost dragged me over to those girls to say hello.
But I stayed were I was.
Do you know what it’s like not to have a girlfriend to tell your worry’s, fears, or goof around with? That year of complete lonliness, of having no one, I started having regular devotions (reading my bible and praying) in the mornings, because I had no one to tell my secrets to, and so my secrets and feelings went to God and my diary. I grew closer to God then I ever did. It was really that year that God became my God, and not just the God my family believed in. Because He became my friend.
But I still didnt have any friends. I was stubborn.
They should be coming over and talking to me, I thought.
God came onboard when I was so desperate for someone, anyone. I cried out to God. Before we had moved I had gone through a stage where I was doing a lot of stuff behind my parents backs, and I was trying to be ‘good’, but it wasn’t working for me. I could not no matter how hard I tried, become good. When I got desperate, I did the only thing I could think of, I asked God to help me.
He came through for me then. So now, I asked God to help me talk to those girls.
It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I felt like I was going to stop breathing every time I went up to those girls again and again. They held me at arms length. I kept trying, kept pushing. God slowly changed me.
He came through for me again.
After that prayer, friendships snuck up on me from all sides. At first they were only acquaintances, then they became friends, and after about three years, they became good friends, and one of them became a best friend.
Now, my friends cannot believe I was shy once, God changed me from a shy, secretive girl to an outgoing, friendly person.
Stay tuned for part two, where from fourteen till now I have been going through trials, doubted God and started learning that feelings arent everything.