Feelings versus Faith

Meggies Testimony part 2

I was fourteen, I had started going to youth group, having fun and being so challenged that I grew weekly in my faith. I read the book ‘Do Hard Things’ by Alex and Brett Harris, which really challenged me not to just talk about my faith, but to live it out in actions. Showing it.
I had my first worship encounter that year at two different places, one that broke the thought that ‘worship was just for Mum and Dad’ and the second, which had me fully participating in it.
Then God challenged me, that if I was serious, I would get baptised. I was still a little shy, it really freaked me out, the thought of sharing my testimony in front of the whole church, and then have them all watch me as I was baptised. I did it, it took a lot of courage just to ask my Mum to be baptised, but I did it, with no power of my own.
When Taleisha went through a patch of doubting God, she asked me so many questions, and I read the Bible and heaps of articles on the internet so that I could answer her and help her know that God was real; funny that, a few months later, I started doubting God as well, and started asking the exact same questions. How do I know for sure He exists? How do I know the Bible is real and not just made up? From that moment on, God started teaching me not to rely upon my feelings. When I felt like a lost sinner, that I could never get back to God, I was just as much forgiven and loved as when I was worshipping and I could feel that forgiveness and love. When I felt like God wasn’t listening to me, and that He wasn’t anywhere close, He actually was right by my side helping me through it.

And I can’t feel You, but I  have learned to reach out just the same
And I cant hear You, I know You still hear every word I pray
And I want You, more than I wanna live another day
And as I wait for You, maybe I’m made more, faithful.  – Faithful, written and sung by Brooke Fraser.

I came out of doubting God when I talked to my Mum about what I was going through, and I realized that God was actually there, and I was pretending He wasn’t because I didn’t want to do what He had asked me, give up my whole life for Him. I said to Him, “God, I’ll take the step, and do what you have asked me, but I cannot do it on my own. You need to be there.” I think it was God testing me, like He did to Abraham when He told Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac. God was testing me to see if I could walk in obedience.
Then, the year I was fifteen, I went through another trial. I wasn’t sure where God was leading me, what He would have me do, I had an idea, and so I went after it. I got frustrated, nothing seemed to be working, but I knew that was where God wanted me, then why wasn’t anything happening? Why wasn’t God changing lives?
I realized after ten months, that actually it wasn’t what God wanted of me, but what I wanted for me. I wanted to be a great, out-there Christian, but God was asking me just to be obedient to whatever He said. Again I trusted my feelings, my feelings said, ‘Go for it! This is a good thing to do, so God will be with you.’ But God was saying, ‘Sit down in silence and listen to the plans I have for you, take a moment to listen to what I would have you doing.’
But I still didn’t get it, that I should trust God, not what I feel.
After a few months, I fell into another test.

 Tomorrow, the last part of my testimony: Where is God?