Has it ever hit you how sinful you are? Like a bit of a slap in the face, or a bucket of cold water dumped over you? I got hit by that a few weeks ago. Realizing the wrong I had done, realizing how much I messed up everyday. It was like the sin had been highlighted. I felt overwhelmed and sick at the thought of what (and who!) I had let myself become. God called me to come to Him. But I was so unclean, how can I go to a holy God? I had to be better before I could go back to God. I had to work all of this out. I couldnt go to Him with all this bad in me.
But the more I tried, the more I mucked up. The more I fell away. And I got to a point when I thought I would never be worthy of His love, and I would never be worthy of Him. I knew all I had to do was go to God and ask for forgiveness. But I knew I didnt deserve it. I knew God would forgive me, but I couldnt forgive myself. I thought I would be better at this whole 'perfect' thing. I thought that I could do it. I thought I was a good person. But I'm not.
I asked God to forgive me. And He did. He overwhelmed me with His forgiveness. But the next day, I still sinned. And I knew I had to ask again, and again. I guess I was humbled in the fact that I realized I would always have to ask, because I was always going to sin.
We all make mistakes. God has forgiven. But have you forgiven yourself? Give yourself a break, were human. Go after God, but dont beat yourself up over your sin. God has forgiven it, so consider it forgiven!
Humbling thought. If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?