1 Peter 3:3-4

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. - 1 Peter 3:3,4

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Guy Friendships?

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 Is it possible to be friends with a guy without falling in love? Can you love a guy just as much as you love your girlfriend without having a crush? Is it ok to hug guys, or should I not even touch them? Am I flirting with so-and-so, or are we just friends?

I am finding it so difficult at the moment with friendships with males. Keeping my emotions in check is not the hard part- the hard part is trying to work out what a friend does, and what someone with a crush does. I am so annoyed when people imagine up a romance between you and a close guy friend that just makes both of you awkward. (But I know I do this too).

I am a bookworm, and I love old books. It was not weird for a girl to love a guy (in a brother-sister relationship) and be as close to him as she would a girlfriend in history. I am not saying that there was no boundaries, there has and always will be boundaries that you just do not cross. But today you cannot talk to a guy without other people looking on and thinking that you are in a romance.

Where did good brother-sister relationships go? What happened to them?

Friendships have changed, and though I wish I was born ten decades ago so I would not worry about it, it is different nowadays. So how on earth do you just be 'just friends'?

I want to open this up for discussion in the comments, I want to see what you all think, what your boundaries are in different-sex relationships. Answer some (or all if you really want to!)  of these questions:

Do you think hugging is appropriate?
What is the difference between friends and romance?
What things do you just not do in a brother relationship?
Should we worry about what other people think?

I will answer these questions myself soon.



  1. I have a guy friend who I've known for about five years now and we're just like brother and sister. We go to the same church, though, and everyone there thinks we're together. Our families want us to get married and our best friends do too. We both know it just won't work because it would be like marrying my brother, and that is weird. We're just friends. Even though I really have nothing against hugging guys, I think one of the things that has made our relationship so strong without being awkward or having crushes is that he doesn't hug...anyone. His philosophy is to save it all, no touching except for like high fives or something. While I used to think that was a little extreme, I've noticed that with my other guy friends who I do hug, it's different. It's harder to completely ignore any temptation to have weird "what if?" thoughts. I'm fine with hugging guys in general, but I do know that not hugging guys is probably best, especially when you're really close to them (and getting closer to marrying age). Which is strangely backwards that what you would think, haha.

  2. All these questions are really good! Unfortunately I don't really know the answers. The Bible talks about being brothers and sisters...but how that really plays out I'm not too sure.
    There are 3 or 4 really good messages on biblical Manhood and Womanhood by Ryan Fullerton.
    Here is the link to the first one:


    I think He addresses what we were talking about in a later one though.... I can't remember. :)
    I guess if your heart and conscience are right before God that is what matters most. Parent's insight helps a lot too!

  3. Hi there!
    First of all I want to say that I'm so glad you are addressing this subject on your blog because I have struggled with it for a long time.
    There is a really great sermon called 'Victory Over the Dating Spirit' by S.M Davis.
    You can find it on biblepreaching.com
    It is sooo good I've listened to it over and over and it's very applicable to this subject.

    I think that girls can be friends with guys as long as they are in a family environment (where their parents are around and involved).
    As to hugging guys, I think it's best not to unless you're cousins or something and even then keep it short and formal.
    High fiving and shaking hands is okay in my opinion as long as it's not accompanied by sweet smiles, flirting, batting eyelashes or winking.

    I think one of the differences between a proper friendship and a crush is what some call 'butterflies' or 'caterpillars'. When a guy smiles at you, talks to you, looks at you or even walks by you and you feel this sort of nervous emotion deep inside you, I would say your relationship with that guy is probably not right.

    In order to treat a guy like a brother in Christ you need to realize that he is some girl's husband (even though he's not married yet). How do you want girls to treat your future husband right now? Also, treat them like you want girls treating your brothers. If you have brothers you've probably experienced being annoyed when other girls flirt with them, smile sweetly at them etc. That's how you should feel about other boys to.

    Also, we need to learn to guard our hearts from thoughts such as 'He's so cute', 'I wonder if he likes me' etc.

    To answer you question "should we worry about what other people think?" I would say that it depends on the person. If it is someone who has similar standards and a biblical worldview I think you should listen to them. If they say "I think your relationship with so-and-so is to close", there is probably something you can change.
    However listening to gossip is not good so don't take things personally that aren't true. Some people just like to make fun of people and make things up to make others feel bad, but try to be a light to those people. The bible says "they shall know the truth and the truth shall set them free."

    Thanks again for asking these questions. I would like to know how guys would answer (what they think about touching, etc.).
    I look forward to hearing your answers to those questions.

    God bless you! Keep writing!

    In Christ,

  4. Great post Meggie!
    As far as huggig guys goes, I don't think it's wrong but I do think that we should be very careful with how we go about the physical friendship between a girl and a guy. I think it's safer not to, just to make sure you're not giving them the wrong impression or other around you. I'm all fine with the occasional hug - e.g. A birthday/wish you well hug. Or in my case because I moved so far a way and for a few years, I hugged a lot of my guy friends goodbye.
    Ultimately the amount hug your guy friend shouldn't dictate how your friendships with them goes. Also if you hug your guy friends and then sometime in the future you get a boyfriend, there will be some awkwardness in the air if you go around hugging other guys.

    I think that it's completely up to us and what we let ourselves feel. Me for example, I'm strict with telling myself that I'm only looking for friendships right now. And besides, I'm only 16, I don't need to worry myself with crushes, I'll have plenty of time for that when I'm older. I think it's important to know where you stand and what you want. Love is a choice so you can choose if you're going to have feelings for that guy depending on how strict you are on yourself. I don't think it's healthy for us as young Christina woman to fantasise about what we would be like with 'the new cute guy' etc. We don't need guys to complete us, that's why Jesus came, because He is the only one we need.

    The obvious things I would not do in a brother-sister kind of friendship, is things like holding their hand, sitting on their lap, lingering hugs and general stuff like that. You want to respect them as a person and not put them in any awkward situations. To me it's fine to muck around with them but in an appropriate way.

    Like the very wise Moriah said about 'Should we care about what others think?', it depends on the person. If it's someone who is wise then yes, defintely. Even if it's not what we want to hear, we need people who are wise and bold enough to keep us in check with God and what is right.

    Hope my anwers and the answers above will help girls out there who have been asking these questions themselves :)
    Like to hear your answers too Meggie!

    God bless,

  5. I Think 1 Timothy 5:1 gives a clear answer. Treat younger men as brothers with all purity. If we are treating them unkindly that's not like a brother and we should guard our hearts so we can treat them purely. Always pray and take every thought captive for the obedience of Christ. Remember that your future husband is out there and their is a 99.9 % chance this guy is not him. Everyone else had great answers too!